FOR MEN ONLY! 10 Ways Men Can Protect Themselves from Adultery
(I wrote 'for men only' so women would read too)
Below is something I posted on social media last week, and it got so much positive feedback I wanted to share it with you. In light of the revelations from the IHOPKC investigation results of moral failure, we have to ask why believing men cheat—and better yet, how not to!
But first, I wanted to thank you for giving last week as we prepare to bless Unit C of Battalion 9203 on February 25. Last night, Elana and I went to another banquet for another battalion. You enabled us to donate $1500 for meat. Five hundred soldiers who had been in Gaza for nearly four months were reunited with their families. It was quite extraordinary.
I have said it before, but let me repeat it: We feel so privileged to see this up close. The unity, love, and brotherhood between these soldiers are remarkable. Check out some of the pictures.
These photos are taken from a video, so they are a little grainy.
10 Ways Men Can Protect Themselves from Adultery
1. Love your wife. Build a life together. Cultivate a love relationship. Date night. Talk daily! Vacation. Love your wife as yourself—no one hates his own body (Eph. 5:28-29). It is the only relationship on earth where the two become one (Gen. 2:24).
2. Be intimate regularly. (1 Cor. 7:3) Enjoy it and be creative—don’t fall into a rut, and don't withhold from each other. The most shocking thing I learned as a young pastor many years ago was how many couples stopped being intimate at some point in their marriage.
3. Don’t entertain thoughts of another woman in your life. Without space in your thought-life or fantasy life for another woman, you will not give oxygen to the temptation that could become a sin (read 2 Cor. 10:3-5…take captive every thought).
It is not abnormal for a male to be drawn to a female. We were created that way. But we also have self-control (Gal. 5:22-23). When you begin to fantasize about another woman, you are giving the temptation life and strength, and then it can become an obsessive stronghold in your life, and you can’t stop thinking about it. So don’t start in the first place. “Each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death” (Jam. 1:13-14).
4. Don’t be alone with a woman. I don’t know why this is so controversial. When Mike Pence said this, he got hammered. Just after that, we heard horror stories from the #MeToo movement. Women began to confront their abusers who got them alone and manipulated them. If you need to meet with females for work, do it in public or with an open door in your office. I have lived by this rule my entire married life.
There was one time when I had not realized it, but everyone else in our office had left, and I was alone with the bookkeeper. I got out of there quickly. “Oh, Ron, you’re such a prude…” Not long after that, she committed adultery with one of the other elders, and they ran away together! Guess I’m not a pride, but prudent! “Avoid the appearance of evil” (1 Thess 5:22), and you won’t do evil!
5. When you’re tempted, pray. Ask God for grace. When you’re still tempted, go to trusted friends and pastors and ask for prayer. It works! And in that humility, there is grace (James 4:6).
6. Don't look at pornography. I know it is so easy and inviting, but it is addictive and a trap. If you prefer porn to your wife, run and get help! God can help you.
I have not gotten a pornographic email in years. The email companies have done an excellent job preventing unsolicited garbage like that. But the other day, I got one...it was like Lord of the Rings for 3 seconds. I didn't want to look, but I felt powerless, like Frodo wanting to get rid of the ring and keep it forever at the same time. Those three seconds felt like forever, but I found the delete button (before Gollum had to bite off my finger! LOTR reference). Then my brain said, "Go find it in your trash folder for one more look..." I said no and emptied my trash folder. My point is that it is like crack or heroin. You will never get addicted to those drugs if you don't take them! I have watched marriages be destroyed by porn. If you need help, get help!
7. Imagine the conversation with your children, explaining to them that you cheated on their mother. They will never look at you the same. Fathers are supposed to be the champions for their sons and daughters. Part of that is modeling love for your wife.
8. Do not neglect your devotional life. Build a solid and deeply intimate relationship with Jesus. It is hard to cheat on your wife when you feel close to Jesus. It is also hard to rob a bank if you feel close to Jesus!!! :-) (in case you are considering that!)
9. Live your life in God’s Word. Sadly, even those who spend hours in prayer can justify adultery. But it’s more challenging if you spend a lot of time reading the Scriptures. There is no justification.
Read what the Bible says about marriage. Whenever you get dumb thoughts like, “Well, David committed adultery…” just look at how much trouble it brought into his life. He ended up murdering Uriah to cover it up, and then the baby from the affair died. His adult son tried to kill him and take over the kingdom. There is a price to pay. Follow the Word, and you will not cheat on your wife.
10. Understand that marriage is difficult. Welcome to the real world. It is also very rewarding!
Marriage is maybe the primary relationship that God uses to build character. All close relationships have challenges. Get counseling; my wife and I have. Read books about marriage. Commit yourself to a godly marriage. Work on that relationship as hard as any relationship in your life. The lie of the past few generations is that once you stop feeling emotional love, the relationship is dead. “Time to move on.” This is nonsense. Feelings come and go, but if you work on your marriage, you will build a romantic friendship that will last the test of time and trials.
Close the Door—Shut Down Temptation.
This afternoon, we went to Tel Aviv for our congregational meeting. We got there early because my wife was going to do some shopping. When we arrived, the mall was packed. The traffic was mostly from cars trying to get into the parking garage but also from folks doing last-minute pre-Shabbat shopping. I parked, went to a coffee shop, and wrote this.
When I left, I noticed only one car on the road! The immense traffic 90 minutes earlier was gone. What changed? The mall closed, and other shops were shutting down for the Sabbath. Without the possibility of shopping, no one was driving.
If you come to the place where adultery is simply not an option for you—an impossibility—the temptation will cease. As long as you are “open for business,” the traffic (temptation) won’t stop! Shut it down!
Today in the last of our series from Kibbutz Zikim, Ron hears about the horrors on October 7 when terrorists stormed one of the most popular beaches in Israel and butchered dozens of innocent Israelis -- teenagers, families, older people -- who were simply enjoying an early morning at the beach.
WATCH this interview!