Friends sent me clips from the "Esther Call" in DC on Saturday. In the first, a woman is taking those who have been abused through a process of forgiving. Forgiving is always good. I’m not sure that a mass rally is the place to work through one of the most traumatic moments of your life. But I hope it was meaningful.
The following clip was more concerning. People were encouraged to deal with their trauma through a simple confession that blamed the devil and themselves (not abusers) for their trauma. One very alarming moment was when the women were asked to repeat,
“We will not continue to talk about trauma. We will not continue to speak offended, bitter words against people and against situations.”
Sadly, what victims will hear is: “Stop talking about your abuse or abuser” when, in fact, that is part of the healing process—not keeping quiet, acknowledging it did happen, you did not imagine it. To be clear, I believe in the power of God to set people free from trauma. Still, I was horrified by what I saw.
But I don’t want to dwell on that. I want to share what I would’ve said as a male pastor. I would have repented.
1. As a leader, I repent for being woefully uneducated in how to approach and minister to victims of sexual abuse and for not understanding that it often results in deep trauma (that typically doesn’t disappear through a confession at a rally).
2. I repent that we, as leaders, have often been more concerned about the reputations of our institutions than exposing this sin and ministering to victims. I repent that we have told people that exposing their predators would bring reproach on the gospel when, in fact, it is protecting predators that brings reproach on not God’s gospel but these leaders. God can handle protecting his own reputation; our job is to follow biblical guidelines.
3. I repent on behalf of leaders who have sought to bring pedophiles and their victims together for a Matthew 18-style reconciliation instead of calling the police. In efforts to not ruin the life of a pedophile, we have put our children at risk. Matthew 18 is not for dealing with crimes; Romans 13 is.
4. I repent that, as leaders, we have thought we were more intelligent than the authorities in dealing with crimes perpetrated against the sheep. This is the height of arrogance, which leads to over-shepherding. (Reminder: in many states, sadly, not all, it is illegal for a pastor not to report a sexual assault!)
5. I repent that, as leaders, we have told both men and women who have come with stories of abuse to keep quiet. “This will embarrass you. You don’t want anyone to find out. Do not report this to the police. You don’t want to ruin this man’s life.” I repent for these dismissive and unprotecting actions.
6. I repent that, as leaders, we have allowed predators to stay in positions of authority because of their gifting. Furthermore, I repent that we have allowed these people to continue in authority over others without even enabling the ones to whom they are ministering to know of their sexual sin, further putting them and their children at risk.
7. I repent that we have prioritized calling and gifting over character. One well-known prophetic leader claims the Lord “told [him] to expect [Evangelist X] to have some repeated [sexual] failures in his life, but that his falls did not displease The Lord as much as him getting back up and fighting on pleased Him. So, I was not shocked when the issues arose in 2013 [meaning, when he was involved in more sexual sin], or that he may have done some of the things he is presently accused of [accusations of sexual abuse of interns and online followers].” I repent, God, that we tolerate such ungodly principles and attribute them to your voice, even though it goes against Scripture.
8. I repent that we have minimized the pain that victims of clergy sexual abuse go through. Many of us have never read one book on the subject. We get educated in seminaries that never address this issue (As I finish four years of graduate work this year, I can testify that Clergy Sexual Abuse has not ever been discussed in any class I’ve taken).
9. I repent that, as leaders, we have protected the abusers and shunned the abused when it should be quite the opposite. We have chosen not to believe credible accusations because of our affection for the perpetrators. We have worried more about the fallout than the pain of those abused.
10. We repent for attributing their concerns to #victimculture and claiming that bringing forth accusations is a manifestation of “#wokeness,” as opposed to righteousness, justice, and protecting future victims. We repent that some older yet influential leaders have insensitively characterized the #metoo movement as false accusations to cancel men.
11. Lastly, we repent for not taking accusations that came our way seriously. We repent of blaming victims. We repent for not believing them. [1] We repent for gaslighting them, explaining that pastor “Blank” would never do that, “You must have imagined it,” — instead of investigating.
Father, we commit to do better. We commit to getting educated. We commit to learning from those with experience and those who are educated. We commit to hearing the testimonies of those who have been abused. We want to listen to their stories. They need to feel loved, heard, and honored.
Forgive us. We have no excuse. We have failed in this area. Forgive us that these words of Rachael Denhollander are still true.
“Church is one of the least safe places to acknowledge abuse because the way it is counseled is, more often than not, damaging to the victim… It is with deep regret that I say the church is one of the worst places to go for help.”
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[1] Believing a victim does not mean you do not investigate or give due process to the accused. It means taking their accusations seriously, finding out precisely what happened, and administering justice to the best of your ability. It means not gaslighting the alleged victim or minimizing their story.
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